PUNCHED IN THE FACE

Still a douchebag

2008-07-27T00:59:00.005-04:00

At an Atlanta Waffle House last October:

Kid Rock and half a dozen bodyguards vs. one poor guy just trying to get his hash browns scattered, smothered and covered. Pamela Anderson's ex takes a swing about 40 seconds in.

Wonder if the King of the Trailer Park used his pattened "open-faced yet close-knuckled" technique that did in Tommy Lee.

The Associated Press reported that Rock, along with 5 of his bodyguards, were arrested in the incident. Rock got a year's probation and was fined $1,000; he also had to take 6 hours of anger management classes and do 80 hours of community service.

Hope that helped.

Neither rain nor sleet nor gloom of night ... nor crack to the head

2008-07-09T07:15:00.002-04:00

From the Reading (Pa.) Eagle
June 5, 2008

My guess is he was just looking for an extra ValuPak.
Bonus fun! Find the homonym in graf 5

Letter carrier punched in face in Reading

Reading police said a U.S. Postal Service letter carrier investigating a possible theft of mail Wednesday morning was punched in the face by a teen.

Bill Laudeman, 58, suffered facial injuries but declined immediate medical attention, police said.

Investigators gave this account:

Laudeman was delivering mail in the 900 block of North Fourth Street shortly after 11 when he saw a teenage male looking through mail that police think was stolen from someone in the block.

Laudeman asked the male what he was doing and the male dropped the mail and walked away.

Laudeman followed, asked again what he was doing and told him to wait for police.

The male turned around and punched Laudeman before running away. He was last seen headed west on Douglas Street.

Police described the male as Latino, 15 or 16 years old, 5 feet 9 inches tall and 170 pounds with short hair and sideburns. He was wearing a black shirt and had a black backpack.

Laudeman suffered cuts to his nose and lip and his glasses were bent. He told police he might see a doctor later.

Police said they were not sure how much mail the teen had taken or what he was looking for.

Not my fault

2008-06-29T21:23:00.002-04:00

From Universal Press Syndicate:

Jessica Vasquez, 19, was arrested in Indianapolis in April for a road-rage assault, but swore she was only exercising self-defense. Her victim, an 81-year-old woman whom Vasquez said was driving too slow, had been punched in the face, yanked from her car and thrown to the ground, suffering leg fractures in 14 places.

Transients love flowers, punches too

2008-06-02T10:08:00.003-04:00

From The Capital Times in Madison, Wisconsin:

An ex-cop was tending to his flower garden when a Wisconsin hobo insisted he be bestowed with a beautiful flower. After an argument, the cop agreed to give the vagabond one of his blooms. But the dirty bum ruined it, turning a lovely bonding incident into a need to pay bond.

Witalison told Hurley the flowers were for everybody to enjoy, but Hurley insisted on getting a flower. Witalison gave him a flower, but Hurley continued to be argumentative and proceeded to punch Witalison in the face.

Come on, people, remember: The flowers are for everybody to enjoy. Let's all hold hands.

Praise the Lord, punch the face

2008-05-15T09:02:00.000-04:00

From the Post-Standard in Syracuse, New York:

A geriatric throwdown ensued immediately following a church prayer session. Two men in their late 70s got into an argument about loans -- one man, 78, thought the church should loan him $2,000. Who borrows money from their church?

When the 77-year-old holy loan officer wouldn't comply, he got jacked.

Lyle said he left the church and was talking in the parking lot when Mike walked up and punched him once in the face. The punch caused Lyle's lip to swell, police said.

Who would Jesus punch?

Teen punches adult in face, experience said to be "upsetting"

2008-05-14T16:30:00.003-04:00

From This is Lancashire in the U.K.:

What happens when you don't provide children some extracurricular activities or harmless recreational drugs to keep them occupied/sedated? They end up tearing up flower beds in an effort to make something beautiful ugly. A group of British teenagers did just that, and when a 64-year-old woman attempted to confront the little monsters about the incident, she got sucker-punched for her troubles.

One of the girls, aged around 16, reacted by punching the woman in the face. She was left with a cut under her eye and a swollen face and rushed home to call the police.

The real gem in this story is Sgt. Danny Brophy of the Bolton Police, who is also the lieutenant of stating the obvious in an unnecessarily long, boring fashion.

"This lady has been left extremely shaken by what has happened to her. It was a very upsetting experience. All she was trying to do was to stop these young people stealing flowers from the elderly residents in the area and she was assaulted. This is unacceptable behaviour and I would appeal to anyone in the community who knows who was responsible for this to contact us. These individuals do not deserve to be protected."

Bicyclist punched, bike assaulted

2008-05-02T13:39:00.003-04:00

From the Redditch Advertiser in the UK:

No motivation has been provided for a random assault on a cyclist by a man who is obviously a badass, as evidenced by his brown leather jacket. The bike rider was approached on foot by the man in the leather jacket and rather than ride away, the biker stayed long enough to be punched in the head, twice. The attacker then engaged in an Incredible Hulk-style act of rage.

The victim, a 39-year-old man, was cycling along Easemore Road when he was approached by another man who was on foot. The offender punched him twice to the head and then picked up the victim's cycle and threw it at a car before walking off.

Man, that guy sounds like a total rebel. I bet he could tear a phonebook in half. He probably has sex -- with women.

Celebration, Fla.: Where face punching doesn't exist

2008-04-25T14:05:00.003-04:00

From WKMG TV in Orlando:

In the early '90s, Disney founded the town of Celebration, Fla., hoping to create a utopian community where families could raise their children with no risk of robbery with a punch to the face. That dream recently came crashing down.

A woman was punched in the face and robbed in her normally quiet Celebration neighborhood.

Apparently the suits behind Celebration decided they'd try to keep the incident under wraps and unknown to residents. Little-known fact: It says in the Celebration city charter that a wallop to the dome is punishable by a permanent ban from riding "It's a Small World."

Some said they are angry warnings were not posted sooner.

"I would want people to know, whether in a mailbox, like to say, "Keep an eye out for this person and this is what happened," resident Valerie said.

Puncher provides drunken self-reflection

2008-04-24T13:43:00.002-04:00

From the UK's Lincolnshire Echo:

Laura Stockbridge doesn't handle alcohol very well. The Lincolnshire teen was reportedly drunk when she confronted a woman she did not know, accusing her of being someone's ex-wife. Apparently it was a good enough reason for assault.

Drunken teenager Laura Stockbridge punched a woman in the face outside a city taxi rank after a night on the town, a court heard.

Interestingly, Stockbridge gave her night's inebriation a perfect score:

"After she was arrested, when asked by the officer how drunk she was on a scale of one to 10, she replied '10'," added Mr Wood.

The teen told officers she regrets the incident and was "wrecked" that night, having consumed alcohol from 6 p.m. until 2:50 a.m.

Charlotte Sun twofer!

2008-04-15T07:55:00.004-04:00

From the same Police Beat on the same day - April 5. All the face you can punch. And a Tasing, bro!

Man reportedly assaults paramedic

A Rotonda West, Fla., man was allegedly intoxicated when he reportedly assaulted a Charlotte County paramedic. According to a Charlotte County Sheriff’s report, Paul Mains, 53, was on the floor of the garage of his home when a deputy arrived on the scene.

The deputy witnessed the paramedic help Mains to his feet, after which the man punched the paramedic in the face without warning, the report shows.

The deputy attempted to pull Mains away from the paramedic before using a Taser, which struck Mains in the middle of his back. Mains was restrained and placed in the rear seat of the deputy’s car. While there, he reportedly began crying and told the deputy he was sorry for what he did. Soon after, he told the deputy he had difficulty breathing and was transported to Englewood Community Hospital. After he was seen by an emergency room doctor and medically cleared, Mains was released into CCSO custody. When he was taken to the jail, Mains reportedly told the deputy he would find out where he lived and that the deputy would “pay” for what he did. Mains was booked at the Charlotte County Jail and charged with simple battery on an EMT and resisting an officer without violence. He was held without bond.

Report: Denied beer leads to battery

A Port Charlotte, Fla., man reportedly assaulted his roommate, breaking his ankle and punching him in the face, after the victim would not give the man a beer. According to a Charlotte County Sheriff’s report, Barry Robert Rochleau, 19, was refused a beer by his roommate because Rochleau is not of legal drinking age.

The denial reportedly upset Rochleau, who then, according to the victim, pushed the roommate to the ground and began punching him in the head. He then stomped on the victim’s right ankle.

The roommate told deputies that when he attempted to call 911, Rochleau prevented him from doing so. The victim also told deputies that Rochleau spent 30 minutes telling his roommate what story they would tell authorities to explain his injures. After about 30 minutes, the victim said he was allowed to call 911. Rochleau reportedly told deputies on the scene that his roommate had consumed several beers and tripped on something in the house. The CCSO report states there was no evidence to support Rochleau’s claims, and the victim was transported to Fawcett Memorial Hospital where he was treated for a broken ankle and “several bumps to the head consistent with punches.” Rochleau was taken to the Charlotte County Jail and charged with kidnapping, obstructing justice and battery. He was held without bond.

His dogs are barking

2008-04-14T11:06:00.002-04:00

From the Skelmersdale Advertiser in England:

A 25-year-old man walking his dog at 3 a.m. took one in the kisser.

An argument started over his dog barking and the man was punched once in the face. He suffered a broken nose.

If your dog won't rabidly defend you in an attack, you need a new one.

Ceramic pot, bar patron attack blood-spitting baseball pitcher

2008-04-11T15:46:00.002-04:00

From The Canadian Press:

Al Reyes, a drunk pitcher for the Tampa Bay Rays, got into a scuffle at a bar with a ceramic pot. The 38-year-old then picked a fight with a man he thought shoved him into the pot. Turns out, the bar patron he went after was just as tough as that ceramic pot that took him down in the first place.

Witnesses told officers that Reyes, who turned 38 on Thursday, appeared to be intoxicated when he exchanged words with Mora, who allegedly punched the six-foot-one, 240-pound pitcher in the face at the Hyde Park Cafe around 2:30 a.m.

After the brawl police showed up, prompting the pitcher, with a cut nose, to spit blood on them. They Tased him, bro.

Val Kilmer assaulted live on radio show

2008-04-04T11:47:00.003-04:00

From the Pittsburgh Tribune Review:

Oh wait, it's not THAT Iceman from Top Gun? OK, anyhow, a guy who goes by the name of Iceman (he actually sells ice) was live on the radio, via telephone, talking smack about the local fire department when someone, driving either a city vehicle or an ambulance, took offense. The driver pulled into the parking lot of North Pole Ice in Uniontown, assaulting the owner, Brian "Iceman" Oros, live on the afternoon radio show "Let's Talk."

"He hits me in the left side of the face," said Oros, who yesterday had a barely detectable bruise and bump on one side of his face. "I hit him back."

The lesson? Don't mess with the fire department.

Punched in face, officer tasers 11-year-old girl

2008-03-27T16:54:00.003-04:00

From Fox TV in Orlando, Fla.:

I'm not sure what the physical requirements of being a police officer are. I'm also unsure who would place a a school resource officer who cannot fight an 11-year-old girl at an elementary school.

The pre-teen spawn of Satan apparently pushed a fellow student into oncoming traffic. Thankfully no one was hurt, but when the little girl made a scene and attempted to spit at teachers, the school resource officer was called in to take care of business -- or not.

Officials say when officer Hudepohl arrived she asked the student to go with her to the office and she refused, pushed Hudepohl, and then punched her in the face, causing her nose to bleed.

Deputy Hudepohl attempted to secure the student however but the student continued to fight so Officer Hudepohl then tasered the girl.

The officer was taken to the hospital with a broken nose, and is obviously in the wrong line of work.

Four-year-old grudge leads to 'proper' punching

2008-03-25T14:22:00.003-04:00

From the UK's Chronicle Live:

At all costs, avoid pissing off Britain's Hayley Barker. The former bartender was fired from her job and let her anger build up for four years before she exacted revenge with her fists.

The married 43-year-old passed her handbag to a friend and flew at (Brian Dixon), punching him twice in the face. Mr Dixon, of Ullswater Way, Slatyford, said: “She went mental. She punched me twice, not slaps but proper punches.

After the initial attack, Barker's former boss said she then started to scratch him in the face. Ironically, she lost her job in the first place for picking fights.

“She’s been barred now thankfully. I told her the reason she was sacked was precisely because she was so abusive.”

Punched in the face jokes! Part I

2008-03-24T21:09:00.001-04:00

My apologies to everyone reading this.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing you haven't already told her twice.

"Professional fighters" have asses kicked

2008-03-17T15:12:00.003-04:00

From KPHO CBS 5 in Phoenix, Arizona:

Here's an obvious one: If a braggart goes to a bar touting their fighting skills, someone is going to try to punch them. 25-year-old Nicholas Springer and 26-year-old Brendan Bank apparently decided to run their mouths, even threatening to come back with weapons and kill people. The bouncers didn't take too kindly to that.

Instead, one of the bouncers punched Springer in the face, knocking him out with a single blow. The video shows the bouncer pounding his chest after Springer went down. "He was pretty proud of himself after he did that," Braach said.

Thank Jeebus, there's video evidence:

Punch in the face costs $3,633.93

2008-03-12T12:39:00.002-04:00

From Foster's Daily Democrat in New Hampshire:

What's it worth to you to be punched in the face? Conversely, what's it worth to you to punch someone in the face? Apparently the courts of New Hampshire have decided that $3,633.93 is a fair sum.

A Brentwood man was ordered to pay $3,633.93 in restitution for punching another man in the face during a random fight last year...

According to police reports, the fight took place in the victim's front yard when his girlfriend confronted Kulak about being too noisy.

The victim states in the report that after he entered the front yard to find his girlfriend involved in a screaming match, Kulak immediately got into his face and began punching him.

The puncher also pulled the victim's sweater over his head. He must be a hockey player.

Voodoo: When threats, fists aren't enough

2008-03-06T09:43:00.002-05:00

From the Palm Beach Post in West Palm Beach, Florida:

It's true love when you really know how to strike fear into your partner's heart. Take, for example, this Haitian couple's dispute, in which the husband accused his wife of infidelity. He punched her in the face and stomach to no avail. Then he chased her with a metal pole, but that one didn't work too well either. He even threatened to shoot her and their children. But what really got to the man's wife were threats of voodoo.

Nerlet Bellot's wife told police she is a "strong believer" in Voodoo and her husband is "more than capable" of casting a Voodoo curse, an arrest report said.

The woman, who is Haitian like her husband, said she was "terrified of that notion and it's consequences."

The woman, who recently moved from Haiti where her husband also has family, told police that threat scared her more than any of the others.

No word on whether either of the couple's children is a voodoo child (slight return).

Penis envy: Man with small member punches Peeping Tom

2008-03-03T18:57:00.002-05:00

From Ananova:

Unless you're at a urinal next to Tom Jones or Shaq, there's never a good reason to take a peek at another man's junk in a public bathroom. One New Zealand man did not adhere to that universal truth. The puncher's attorney, a woman, cited "urinal etiquette." Now how would she know?

Edward Aldridge, 47, punched his victim twice after he used the urinal next to him in a pub in Christchurch. Aldridge accused his victim of looking at him, reports Metro.

Apparently the pecker peeker made a smirk after checking out the puncher's twig and berries.

That was totally worth it

2008-02-29T22:27:00.003-05:00

From the Charlotte Sun in Florida:
Feb. 14, 2008

Those musta been some fly-ass jeans he was after in that laundry.

Burglary caught on tape

A man was arrested Tuesday after he allegedly took a laundry basket of clothes from his grandmother’s apartment. The incident was documented on a security video.

Deangelo Lamont Carter, 23, of Bradenton, allegedly climbed through a window and took the clothes, valued at $300, from the apartment at 21150 Gertrude Ave., Port Charlotte. The apartment resident recognized her grandson on the security video, a Charlotte County Sheriff’s report said, and she asked the apartment manager to get the clothes back. When he confronted Carter, the report said, Carter punched him in the face.

Carter — whose grandmother said he had asked her to store his clothes for him — was charged with burglary, petty theft and battery. He was held at the Charlotte County Jail without bond.

The grandmother got the clothes back.

Glenn Danzig punched in the face

2008-02-29T11:47:00.001-05:00

Here's a classic for you. In the words of Sugar Ray, "Danzig needs a hug."

First-grade teacher an expert in colors, numbers, punches

2008-02-27T13:21:00.002-05:00

From the Tyler Morning Telegraph in Texas:

While at a children's basketball game, a first-grade teacher decided she'd do her best impression of Ron Artest by starting a brawl. In a double-whammy of bad luck for the victim, she was trying to leave the "Little Dribbler" basketball tournament because of a kidney stone attack when the puncher, 32-year-old Barbara Jeanette Hughes, cracked her in the left eye.

(Goode) stated that Mrs. Hughes pushed her and said 'Let's take it outside.' Mrs. Goode stated that she put her hands up to keep Hughes out of her face and Mrs. Hughes punched her in the left eye with her fist. She stated that Mrs. Hughes proceeded to hit, scratch and pull her hair.

The puncher's husband was apparently the Reggie Miller of this altercation, attempting to separate the two women. A concession worker heard children scream "Mommy!" during the fisticuffs, making this incident all the more classy.

New meaning to "slobber-knocker"

2008-02-26T10:31:00.002-05:00

From the always entertaining New York Post:

A $2 million lawsuit alleges that a New York City EMT punched a restrained patient in the face after the man drooled on him. The puncher was apparently trying to put an oxygen mask on the man when he got some spit on him, which inspired the first-response to his face -- again, for effect, of a restrained man. Here's the story, told as only the Post can:

An FDNY emergency medical technician turned the Hippocratic Oath on its ear, slugging a restrained patient in the face during a ride to Kings County Hospital, a $2 million suit alleges.

Dennis Mathis, 25, was strapped onto a stretcher last Dec. 1 when he incurred the wrath of an EMT by drooling on him, according to the suit.

The "Drool-Fool EMT," as the Post calls him, apparently broke the patient's jaw.

Hold the baby, punch the face

2008-02-22T15:58:00.002-05:00

From the AZ Family in Arizona:

Here's a real winner who got into a drunken fight and attacked his father, mother and girlfriend with one hand, all while holding his baby in the other.

When Delia tried to get her baby from Michael because of concerns for the baby’s safety, he punched her in the head and face, and then pushed her away.

If God gave you two arms, may as well use both of 'em, right? Actually, let's remove one of this guy's arms as punishment for being a complete waste of life.

The left hand: It feels like another person

2008-02-21T14:26:00.002-05:00

From the BBC:

Disclaimer: No one gets punched in the face in this one. But it is worth noting that left-handers are better fighters, likely because in fights people rarely expect a left hook. Wow, people spend time doing research on fighting? That's a job I need to sign up for.

They said that Western interactive sports such as these can be classed as "special cases of fights - with strict rules, including the "prohibition of killing and intentionally wounding the opponent".

This led them to speculate the same advantage may persist in more aggressive contexts, such as war, so societies which are more violent would have a higher frequency of left-handers.

For the record, Hitler was left-handed.

The article also notes that left-handed people are more likely to have certain diseases. Righties win again!

Now that's love

2008-02-18T12:09:00.002-05:00

From WGAL TV In Pennsylvania:

Morris Friend Jr. really loves his mom -- enough to punch a cop in the face for her. His 55-year-old mother was being arrested on a warrant charge in York County, Penn., when he stepped in.

Police said Friend's son, Morris Friend Jr., 36, stepped in and punched an officer in the face. The second officer has minor injuries from struggling with the pair.

With a last name like "Friend," you kind of have to be a dickhead. No word on whether Friend is a big fan of Glenn Danzig's "Mother."

Would you like a fist with that?

2008-02-18T11:08:00.002-05:00

From The Day newspaper in New London, Connecticut:

A lunchtime traffic jam at a Connecticut McDonalds occurred when a patron, waiting for her food, decided to block the drive-thru with her vehicle. Funny because McDonald's is usually associated with blockage of the arterial kind.

A man who was stuck behind him didn't take too kindly to that and confronted the passenger of the blocking car, who in turn responded with his fist.

The passenger, Donald Lapre, 59, of 20 Knickerbocker Ave., Bozrah, was arrested after police said he punched the driver of the blocked car a couple times in the face, causing a minor injury.

The man left the scene, but was arrested before he could finish that all-important lunch.

Doctor, doctor: I've got a bad case of punching you

2008-02-15T14:33:00.001-05:00

From Great Britain's Scarborough Evening News:

A UK man decided he'd kick off the new year with a botched suicide attempt. The stunt left him in the hospital, where he apparently decided if he couldn't inflict pain on himself, he'd share it with someone else -- a doctor.

Wilson punched Dr Toukalis in the face as he walked by at about 2.30pm on January 3, causing him to collapse.

Police say it was an unexpected discharge that led to the incident.

If you have health problems, avoid 'horseplay'

2008-02-14T17:01:00.002-05:00

From the Lewanee Connection in Lewanee County, Michigan:

Put together booze, minors and some good old-fashioned rasslin', and it's inevitable someone's gonna get hurt. For some reason, the Lewanee Connection goes into great detail on every aspect of this party. Must be a small town.

We'll take some liberties on this story, as disaster usually befalls the weird kid, and no one is sure who invited him or how he got there, but he ends up crying after someone steals his inhaler.

According to the report, the boys congregated at the house to party, and after consuming a quantity of alcohol, began wrestling. The horseplay escalated, and one boy punched another in the face and head.

Apparently this classic whuppin' left the punchee with breathing problems, so police called his mommy, who advised he's had health problems recently. The wussy was airlifted to a hospital and released soon after. Come Monday, he'll be met with nothing but shame in the lunch line.

Persistent puncher has demands met

2008-02-14T16:53:00.003-05:00

From the Wimbledon Guardian in England:

This Brit tried to return a broken clock, but took exception when a worker wouldn't refund his 3 pounds without a receipt. The puncher then delivered a pound of his own, right to the shopkeep's face, in what the Guardian called a "rage attack."

He thumped his fists on the till before knocking Mrs Oliver to the floor in the dispute on January 18. He left only when a shopper handed him three pound coins.

So this guy basically knocked out a woman, then mulled around in the shop until someone decided they'd pay up the money he felt he was owed. That's a way of doing business, I suppose.

Pissing, punching ensues in bathroom

2008-02-12T11:06:00.000-05:00

From the Oxford Mail in Oxfordshire, England:

What's the world coming to? A man can't even take a leak without getting sucker-punched. A "drinker," as the Oxford Mail calls him, had a fist meet his face in the bathroom -- or "the toilets," as they're apparently known -- of a local pub. Those funny-speaking Brits.

Another man came in and punched him in the face leaving the victim with a fractured eye socket, a fractured cheekbone and bruising.

No clue as to what, if anything, provoked such violence. But here's a theory: Maybe the punchee is pee-shy and JUST. CAN'T. GO. if there's a line waiting on him. Maybe he was holding up the whole freaking bar. Maybe the puncher got tired of waiting for this guy's anxious, clamped-up bladder and made his way to the front of the line and jacked him in the face. Not that I've ever wanted to do that.

I'd buy that for a dollar!

2008-02-12T10:53:00.000-05:00

From the Bradenton Herald in Bradenton, Florida:

If you're a robber and you're going for the big bucks, Dollar General is probably not your best bet. An unidentified man in his 30s entered the budget store and went up to the counter to pay for a bag of chips. He even gave her a dollar before introducing her to his fist.

When the cashier opened the register, the man punched her in the face and grabbed the money, the sheriff's report said. The man then ran from the store.

Dollar General's new slogan: All that, a bag of chips and robbery with assault.

Actor you've never heard of gets clock cleaned

2008-02-08T14:00:00.000-05:00

From People Magazine:

Apparently Jesse Metcalfe is an actor on Desperate Housewives and he starred in a film called "John Tucker Must Die." Based on what you'll find with a quick Google search, he also likes to appear in photographs with his shirt off. I don't know much about this guy, but I enjoy being quick to judge, so I'm guessing he's a smug prick.

Mr. Hunky McDreamboat was hitting on some other guy's girlfriend at a night club in L.A. when things turned sour.

The situation quickly escalated, with the man punching Metcalfe in the face, knocking him to the ground.

TMZ.com, of course, has a video of the incident, while People has a photo of him somehow managing to show his rock-hard abs even while being choked out.

Punchee: I had it comin'

2008-02-07T09:29:00.001-05:00

From the Associated Press:
Feb. 7, 2008

Prisoner punches attorney after judge denies request for new lawyer

GEORGETOWN, Ky. — A public defender who was punched in court by a disgruntled client said Thursday he doesn’t blame the man who gave him with two black eyes.

The disorder in the court, captured on video, happened Monday at Scott County Circuit Court after the judge refused defendant Peter Hafer’s request for a new attorney.

Hafer, 30, of Cynthiana, told the judge he didn’t trust his court-appointed lawyer, Doug Crickmer. As Crickmer began to tell Judge Rob Johnson that Hafer couldn’t choose his public defender, Hafer landed the first punch.

“I just couldn’t take it anymore and I just snapped,” Hafer said later at the Scott County jail.

Hafer hit the attorney several times in the face and stomach. Hafer was restrained on the ground. Crickmer was admitted to Georgetown Community Hospital and released later that day. He said he will not file assault charges.

“I certainly don’t fault him or blame him or wish him any ill will,” Crickmer said Thursday on NBC’s “Today” show. “I think Mr. Hafer was just frustrated. Like I said, he had been in jail for some time. ... I think he just got frustrated, fed up, and he just snapped and I was the nearest target.”

Hafer was arrested in August on charges of burglarizing a Kmart store in June.

As for his request for a new attorney, Hafer apparently will get his way. Authorities said a new one will be appointed.

Do not prank this kid

2008-02-06T14:07:00.000-05:00

He will punch you in the face. Even if it's just a surprise birthday party or he's on Candid Camera.

Through rain, sleet, snow, assault

2008-02-05T18:32:00.000-05:00

From the Buffalo News in Buffalo, New York:

A postal worker was just trying to drop off the mail when some jerk hand-delivered her an economy class fist.

A 40-year-old mail carrier was punched in the face Monday afternoon while she delivered mail on Timon Street, police said.

The attacker made a quick getaway on a blue bike. "Mountain biking:" It's the new "going postal."

I give up. Psych!

2008-02-05T18:12:00.000-05:00

From Local 6 TV in Orlando, Florida:

This is pretty bad. A dude steals from Office Depot and then gets caught by a female cop. He acts like he's going to give up, but then caught the law off-guard.

New surveillance photos show a suspected shoplifter police said pretended to surrender to a female Orange County sheriff's deputy and then sucker-punched her face so hard it knocked her unconscious.

This poor woman doesn't even recognize her husband anymore. Here's hoping someone puts the assailant's balls in a blender.

Guess things won't work out

2008-02-05T15:22:00.000-05:00

From the Charlotte Sun in Florida:
Feb. 5, 2008

Kinda self-explanatory.

Fatal shooting leads to girl fight

A 17-year-old Port Charlotte, Fla., girl was arrested Monday, after she punched another teen who is dating the brother of Steven Castanedo, a Gulf Cove teen accused of killing Juan Taveras.

According to the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office:

The two girls got into an argument Monday afternoon about the fatal shooting in Englewood last Friday. The teen told the other girl that things would work out. The other girl later punched the teen in the face.

The teen was charged with simple battery. She was released to her parents.

Bus ride: 50 cents. Punch to face: Priceless.

2008-02-04T22:50:00.000-05:00

What's going on here is the soon-to-be-puncher, presumably on his way to the crack store and in need of bus fare, asked this poor dude for change, and when the soon-to-be punched told him he didn't have any, the sumbitch clocked him in the head.

Puncher brings the party

2008-02-04T11:54:00.000-05:00

From the Evesham Journal in the United Kingdom:

A birthday party was nothing special until 38-year-old Sharon Dennick decided she'd arrive at the pub and spice things up a bit. With a belly full of booze and pills, she obviously came to party, and the woman let her presence be known by assaulting two of the guests.

Sharon Dennick punched Rebecca Taylor in the face and then also hit Ian Perkins on the head when he stepped between the two women, said Nicholas Berry, prosecuting at Worcester Crown Court.

The woman apparently has a history of violent activity and party-crashing. I bet she was a legendary Def Leppard groupie in the '80s

Not a wife-beater, but a face-puncher

2008-02-04T11:44:00.000-05:00

From the North-West Evening Mail of Great Britain:

A UK man thought he was doing a good deed after he saw a woman fall down during an altercation with her husband at a bar. Turns out the woman was slapping her husband and managed to hit him so hard, she knocked herself down. But the victim went ahead and called the to-be-puncher a wife beater, and that's when fist met face.

He saw Jones outside and went over to have a word about violence towards women and Jones punched him twice on the face.

The victim, Michael (not J.) Fox, ended up with a broken nose.

Broken English foreshadows face punching

2008-02-01T10:02:00.002-05:00

From the New York Daily News:

The prospect of scanning a credit card was apparently enough to enrage a New York City cabbie. A woman who grabbed a ride home from a cab realized she didn't have cash to pay the driver and offered a credit card, which law dictates cabbies are required to accept. The man told his passenger he didn't know how to operate the credit card machine -- to which the woman rightfully and awesomely responded she wasn't paying him if he didn't know how to operate his own equipment. That's when violence erupted.

She got out of the car and the driver, whose identity was not known, stepped in front of Perez and pushed her back into the cab. "I give you a punch in the face!" he told her, Perez said. "And he punched me in the face."

At least the cabbie is a man of his word.

Alabama senator makes good case for re-election

2008-01-31T17:10:00.000-05:00

Breaking face-punching news: Alabama state Sen. Charles Bishop cleared by ethics committee after punching fellow Sen. Lowell Barron, who called him a "son of a bitch." Thank the Lord, there's video evidence, complete with an angry post-punching interview:

It's almost worth moving to Alabama just to cast a vote for Sen. Bishop.

Wimpy man beaten with plunger, fist

2008-01-31T11:01:00.000-05:00

From the Whig-Standard in Kingston, Ontario:

A man told police he's been a victim of "continuous assaults" from his wife since December. Apparently it took him over a month to work up the courage to tell police she was unclogging his face.

The man said his wife has hit him repeatedly with the plunger, punched him in the face and struck him in the body.

The woman was charged with two counts of assault, and one count of assault with a weapon, which we can only assume is the plunger and not her fist.

Drunk diabetic punches police officer

2008-01-30T09:32:00.000-05:00

From This is Lancashire in the UK:

Here's an idea: If you're a diabetic, don't pound a whole bottle of Jack Daniel's. Frankly this story is so great, no snarky summary can do it justice.

A POLICE officer who warned a drunken man three times about his behaviour was punched in the face for his trouble.

But as Kevin Barry Murray tried to run away from the scene he was grabbed by a taxi driver who had witnessed the incident.

Blackburn magistrates heard that before he had gone out drinking in Blackburn centre Murray had downed a full bottle of Jack Daniels.

And he later told police he could remember nothing of what had happened after he entered the Liquid Club, St Peter Street, or what happened after he had been ejected.

Claiming you don't remember anything is always a good defense. If I punched a cop and had to pay a fine, though, I'd like to at least remember it.

Taxi cab confession: Tooth accidentally, deservedly knocked out

2008-01-29T16:14:00.000-05:00

From The Jersey Journal in New Jersey:

A long wait for a Jersey taxi led to some serious dental damage. The incident started when the soon-to-be-punched man decided he'd try to cut in the taxi line. The assailant didn't take too kindly to that, and told the cutter to go to the back of said line. Instead, the man-who-would-have-a-broken-tooth shoved a woman out of his way and grabbed a cab. That's when the punching began.

Makarow told police that after he got into the cab, McNulty opened the door and punched him in the face, knocking out a tooth.

The puncher, McNulty, told police that the fist-face action was an accident. Come on, man, this ass-sweat cut you in line and he shoved a woman. Just fess up. He had it coming.

Police, unsure of what to do, arrested both men, ensuring that no justice will be served.

Stop texting or you will be punched

2008-01-29T12:29:00.000-05:00

From Britain's Daily Post:

People nowadays send and read text messages from literally everywhere. Perhaps most annoying is when someone whips out a phone during a movie, shining their phone's light in everyone's eyes, sending a message along the lines of "ina mvie cal u l8r." Couldn't it wait? Is it really necessary?

So while it sucks that this kid got jacked while reading a text message, perhaps it's the start of a trend of punishing people who send text messages at inappropriate times, like during a movie, while driving or at your cousin's quinceanera.

The 18-year-old was reading a text message on his phone when he was punched to his face. The two men then left the scene.

The teen was apparently left with facial injuries and taken to a hospital. If only the attackers could use more discretion in their anti-texting crusade.

Drive-by punching

2008-01-28T12:58:00.000-05:00

From ABC 7 in Frederick, Maryland:

Apparently it doesn't take much of anything to get punched in the face these days, as demonstrated by a rash of what investigators are calling 'punch & run' incidents in a Maryland town. The set-up is simple: A car full of soulless bastards rolls up on an unsuspecting bystander and one guy from the car runs out and coldcocks the pedestrian in the face before making a quick getaway.

Investigators explain the suspect did not say anything to the victim, just simply walked up to him and punched the 16-year-old in the face. The suspect then returned to the SUV and the group drove away.

These geniuses have been seen taping their unprovoked assaults, because video evidence of a horrendous crime is always a bright idea. Hopefully, when these ballbags are arrested, a video of their prison rape can be added to the anthology.

Fist removes lip from face

2008-01-28T08:31:00.000-05:00

From the Australian Broadcasting Corporation:

If there's one thing more entertaining than the full context of a punch to the face, it's the explicit details of the aftermath. This one starts out simple enough: An 18-year-old is walking down the street and a stranger approaches him and asks him for a handshake. The teen refuses, and that's when slugger apparently decided to surgically remove a vital portion of the victim's anatomy.

He refused (the handshake) and was punched in the face repeatedly, which severed part of his lip and caused teeth to fall out.

The victim was flown to the hospital to have part of his lip reattached, which will undoubtedly leave him with the fattest of fat lips.

Well-fed Italian senior throws down

2008-01-27T16:39:00.000-05:00

From the Charlotte Sun in Florida
Jan. 27, 2008

I think there was an ep of The Sopranos like this.

Fight breaks out over restaurant bill

An Englewood, Fla., man who didn't agree with his restaurant bill hit one person over the head with a wine bottle and punched another man in the face, a Charlotte County Sheriff's Office report said.

Francesco V. Meglio, 63, of 7410 Mamouth St., was eating dinner at the Blue Lagoon Restaurant on Oyster Creek Drive in Englewood when a server gave him his bill, the report said. Meglio claimed he didn't have to pay the bill because the restaurant owner owed him money, the report said, so manager Don Ketty asked him to go with him to the bar to discuss it. At the bar, Meglio hit Ketty in the face and struck him over the head with a wine bottle, the report said; he also allegedly threw a mixed drink at Ketty and threatened to kill him. When the bartender, David Rouch, tried to calm Meglio down, Meglio hit him in the face, the report said. Meglio then left the establishment.

CCSO deputies arrested Meglio at his home on one count of obtaining food with intent to defraud and two counts of battery. He was held at the Charlotte County Jail without bond.

According to the report, Meglio's food bill came to $51.50.

Great moments in PITF history: The moon landing was as real as this fist to the head

2008-01-27T16:31:00.000-05:00

Is there anything more American than Buzz Aldrin punching a conspiracy theorist in the face?

I think not.

Should be viewed multiple times while listening to "God Bless America."

Broken faces, united they stand

2008-01-25T13:07:00.000-05:00

From The Daily Utah Chronicle at the University of Utah:

While partying at a fraternity, rumors started to swirl that a girl had used a racial slur, which apparently did not sit too kindly with a 6-foot, 230 pound black man. The girl denies making the comment.

To be honest, a majority of this story about a girl getting her face broken isn't very funny. But there's an undeniable hilarity in the victim's attempt at solidarity with others who have been afflicted with a punch to the face.

Baker said that helping even one person avoid what she went through will make it all worth it.

"The biggest thing for me is I want just to help a girl not get in this situation," Baker said. "Or a girl who's, like, already been punched in the face, I want her to see that I was able to make it through, and she can too."

On an unrelated note, the guy who wrote this article is named Tony Pizza. Close friends know him as "The Sausage."

Football, politics, cocaine, fists do not mix well

2008-01-25T11:13:00.000-05:00

From the local NBC affiliate in San Diego, California:

Two Australian sailors face serious time in a federal U.S. pound-me-in-the-ass prison after police say the coked-up twentysomethings decided to assault a man following a passionate debate. The topic? Says the American victim, the superiority of each nation's version of football, as well as politics in the Middle East. Turns out one of the Australian dudes, in addition to being a sailor, is a professional Australian rugby player.

Wilkinson said he leapt off a second-story balcony to escape the sailors but was chased and punched in the face.

Booze obviously factors into this equation, as the three men met at perhaps the most awesomely named bar in all of San Diego: Moose McGillicuddy's.

Elbow, fist - same difference

2008-01-24T23:47:00.000-05:00

From the Gainesville Sun, Florida:
Jan. 16, 2008

No officer, I didn't steal anything, and I didn't punch anyone either. Really.

Man charged with involvement in robbery

A man was arrested Tuesday for involvement in a robbery earlier this month in which a store manager was punched in the nose, according to police.

Larry Brand, 43, was identified via a surveillance video from the CVS Drug Store, 901 N. Main St. Detectives from the Gainesville Police Department spotted Brand Tuesday and questioned him about the robbery, which occurred Jan. 5.

During an interview, Brand admitted he was in the store at the time, but denied stealing anything.

Brand also admitted he elbowed the store manager in the face when the manager tried to detain him that day, but the manager told police he was punched in the face. Police reported the manager suffered a bloody nose.

Brand was arrested and charged with unarmed robbery.

Just punch them both

2008-01-24T23:02:00.000-05:00

OK, who's with me on this one - hitting someone in the head "open-faced yet close-knuckled" is a total bitch-slap.

From rollingstone.com, posted Oct. 2, 2007, " Kid Rock's Cure For Heartbreak":

At the MTV Video Music Awards last month, Kid Rock returned from a bathroom break and got a surprise. Tommy Lee, Rock's nemesis -- the ex-husband of his ex-wife Pam Anderson -- was sitting at Rock's table. "I was like, 'That's it!' " Rock recalls. "He knows how much he has disrespected me through the years, and I'd told him he had it coming. I was left with no choice." Rock remembered what his older brother taught him -- "you've got to hit first" -- in the fourth grade. "I was going to be a bitch or be a man," Rock says. "And I'm not a bitch. Never have been."

Pretty soon, Rock, 36, is describing how he popped Lee in Las Vegas. It was his right hand -- open-faced yet close-knuckled -- that connected with Lee's left cheekbone. "It was a full swing," he says. "I don't got big guns, but I know how to throw a punch." The drama goes way back, related to their mutual ex-wife. Rock says that the final straw came last December, after his divorce from Anderson, when he received text messages from Lee, who had hijacked Anderson's cell phone. "This motherf***** starts e-mailing me from her BlackBerry, saying, 'You're a f***ing bitch, she'll always be with me, nobody wants you,' " Rock says. "It was not easy. It was a very hurtful time in my life, because I was in love with her. I wanted to roll on him right then, but I didn't see him until the MTV Awards."

On his blog, after the incident, Lee called Rock a "wuss," and when reached for comment, Lee says, "My family and I want nothing to do with this unfortunate situation."

Video Special: Big Mac with a side of fist

2008-01-24T17:17:00.000-05:00

This poor dude gets sucker-punched while minding his own business, waiting for some diarrhea-inducing fast food. Enjoy the dramatic news commentary for added effect.

Hopefully somebody finds the perpetrator and drops a brick on his head to even the score.

Drive slow, be punched

2008-01-24T13:53:00.000-05:00

From the Kitsap Sun in Kitsap County, Washington:

A man thought driving slow on an icy road was a good way to ensure the area above his neck was left unharmed. But another man stuck behind the slow driver proved that even being cautious can put you in danger. The soon-to-be puncher pulled in front of the slow driver's car and an argument ensued, during which the puncher hilariously asked "You want a piece of this?"

The suspect then punched the 45-year-old in the face with a closed fist, then left, deputies said.

The suspect was reportedly seen wearing a sweatshirt, sweatpants and flip-flops. Police are on the lookout for a cold man with naturally warm feet.

I'm just trying to freakin' fish!

2008-01-23T18:22:00.000-05:00

From the Charlotte Sun in Florida
March 23, 2005

So not only was he stripped of his flashy adornment, but now he can't even bring home dinner

Fisherman attacked at Stump Pass

A 43-year-old man was beaten up and robbed of his gold chain at Stump Pass Beach State Park in Englewood, Fla., a Charlotte County Sheriff's Office report states.

According to the report, the man was fishing with his nephew and talking to a woman when he was reportedly punched in the face and pinned to the ground by an unknown man.

The attacker then ripped the gold chain and medallion from the fisherman's neck and broke his fishing pole, the report states.

The attacker and the woman then left in a boat.

Punch my kid in the face, will ya?

2008-01-23T18:16:00.000-05:00

From the Charlotte Sun in Florida
November 9, 2004

Sometimes the only recourse to a punch in the face is a baseball bat to the head.

Party fight leads to escalating violence

In retaliation to a fight involving his son, an Englewood, Fla., man, armed with a baseball bat, and his son stormed into a house party Sunday and allegedly tangled with six people, a Charlotte County Sheriff's Office report states.

The man's 17-year-old son was beaten up at the party by two unknown suspects around 2 a.m., the report states.

According to the report, the victim said he was at a Sunnybrook home when he was punched in the face by a man who was drunk.

The victim hit the man back.

The cousin of the man then retaliated and struck the 17-year-old in the face.

The victim ran home with a bloody lip, bloody nose and red marks on his face, the report states.

The father then grabbed a baseball bat and marched back to the party with his son.

According to the report, a fight broke out between the father and son team and five or six others.

One man hit the father with a metal pole, causing his left arm to swell and bruise.

The father struck another in the head with the bat.

He received 10 staples at Englewood Community Hospital.

No charges were filed.

No gas leads to some punchin'

2008-01-23T18:07:00.000-05:00

From the Charlotte Sun in Florida
September 15, 2004

Cutsies? I don't think so, b****

Gas shortage sparks tempers

Last weekend's gas shortage apparently led to shortened fuses as well.

Two men in two separate incidents blew their tops while waiting in line for gas.

The first occurred Friday afternoon at the Shell station, 3196 Tamiami Trail in Port Charlotte, Fla.

According to the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office:

A man accused another motorist of cutting in front of him while waiting to pump gas.

The suspect "pulled the gun partially out of its holster and said words to the effect of 'I got three more where this came from,'" states the report.

The victim allowed the suspect to go ahead of him in line and the two men pumped their gas without further incident.

The next morning at the BP station, 4276 Tamiami Trail in Port Charlotte, another man accused someone of cutting in front of the line.

The driver of a green GMC pickup got out of his truck, grabbed the victim's wallet, threw it over the car and allegedly hit the victim in the head.

The victim then supposedly grabbed the suspect by the throat and forced him to the ground to calm him down.

The victim reported the incident to the Sheriff's Office, but did not want to press charges.

Neither of the suspects faces charges at this time.

Eh? What's that? POW

2008-01-23T18:04:00.000-05:00

From the Charlotte Sun in Florida
June 2, 2004

I'm guessing this was over a woman. It always is.

Fight leads to man pulling knife

A man who stopped his car to hear what another man was saying was punched in the face by him Monday.

The victim, a Punta Gorda, Fla., resident, said he was driving south on Richmond Avenue, according to a Charlotte County Sheriff's Office report, and a man started walking toward him. He stopped and the man punched him. The victim got out of his car and the two started fighting. The victim said the man, identified as Tony Adkins, pulled a pocketknife and said "back away or I'll cut you."

The victim left and deputies noticed he had a swollen lip. He said he wanted to press charges and the fight was possibly over another person.

PITF Classics: PTA meeting

2008-01-23T16:56:00.000-05:00

Pow, right in the kisser.

Why you should watch it at least fifteen times: The oh-so-subtle gentle push the puncher gives to the girl in her way, providing ample room for the puncher to wind up and crack her victim in the cheek.

Ukraine interior minister punches face, kicks nards

2008-01-23T12:25:00.001-05:00

From the Windsor Star in Windsor, Ontario, your best source for all news from the nation of Ukraine:

In an incident Ukraine's president described as "shameful," the mayor of the nation's capital city, Kiev, was dealt a double-dose of pain by the Russian satellite's interior minister, swinging with more than 2,500 pounds per square inch.

Television reports have said that the mayor of Kiev, Leonid Chernovetsky, was kicked in the groin and punched in the face by Interior Minister Yury Lutsenko.

If only all political spats doled out such bruisings. No word on whether Ivan Drago played a part in this incident.

'Drama' leads to fist, shoe making contact with face

2008-01-23T11:51:00.000-05:00

From the Charlotte Sun in Florida
Nov. 26, 2007

One of the four men at the pier with the woman punched the victim in the head hard enough to knock him out. The victim also had a shoeprint on his face.

Two men arrested following fight

A man reportedly suffered severe internal head injuries after four people beat him at Spring Lake Park's fishing pier in Port Charlotte, Fla., Charlotte County Sheriff's detectives arrested two men on felony battery charges in connection with the incident, while another two remained at large.

The victim and a woman were arguing around 1 a.m. Friday at the fishing pier at the park, located at 2000 Edgewater Drive, said a CCSO report detailing the woman's statement. Four men arrived and told the couple to "take their drama someplace else," the report said; the man left the pier, but the woman asked the men if she could stay with them because she was afraid of the way the man was yelling at her.

The man returned to the pier and continued to scream at the woman and call her names, the report said. One of the four men at the pier with the woman punched the victim in the head hard enough to knock him out, the report said, and the other three kicked him while he was on the ground. The four men then got into their cars and left. The woman called 9-1-1.

When Charlotte County Fire and EMS arrived, medical personnel found the victim had serious head injuries and a cut to his lower back, which the victim attributed to being stabbed with a bottle. The victim also had a shoeprint on his face, the report said. He was taken by helicopter to Lee Memorial Hospital in Fort Myers.

Before 3 a.m., CCSO deputies stopped a car that matched the description of one of those at the scene. Inside were Luke Joseph Trotta, 23, of Orlando, and Benjamin Gerald James, 19, of 1253 Pike Ave., Port Charlotte. The woman from the pier identified both as people she had seen kicking the victim, the report said, but during interviews at the Sheriff's Mid-County Station, both denied participating in the fight. In separate interviews, they said their friends had been involved, but they themselves had not kicked the victim.

Trotta and James were arrested on a charge of felony battery each. They were released from the Charlotte County Jail after each posted $15,000 bond. The victim was discharged from Lee Memorial Hospital on Saturday.

Punched in face; struck by car

2008-01-23T11:44:00.000-05:00

From the Charlotte Sun in Florida
November 13, 2007

Family that punches each other in the face together, stays together

Report: Woman hit sister with car

A 24-year-old Punta Gorda, Fla., woman allegedly hit her sister with a van when she refused to hand over their mother's credit card.

Rosilee Crowley Rouland, 4415 Alta Vista Drive, was charged with domestic battery, two counts of aggravated battery with a deadly weapon and aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.

Rouland's sister returned home Sunday evening with her boyfriend, and noticed Rouland was waiting for her. According to a Charlotte County Sheriff's Office report, Rouland wanted their mother's credit card.

When the sister refused, Rouland allegedly punched her in the face. The boyfriend pulled Rouland away.

At that point, Rouland got in her van, and allegedly drove toward the couple, hitting them with the front of the vehicle, the report said. They were not injured.

She was later located by deputies and taken to the Charlotte County Jail.

Everyone must get punched!

2008-01-23T11:35:00.000-05:00

From the Charlotte Sun in Florida
Sept. 20, 2007

For those keeping score, that's two punches, 1 slap to the face; although we can only assume more punches to the face transpired outside

Bar fight results in arrest

A Port Charlotte, Fla., man was arrested shortly before midnight Wednesday on two counts of battery following a bar fight, according to the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office.

Shawn M. Cole, 35, of 24549 Nova Lane, was arguing with one of his two brothers at Willie's Bar, 4095 Tamiami Trail, Port Charlotte, when a man at the next table looked over, a CCSO report said. Cole allegedly punched the man in the face, then one brother grabbed him by the throat while another pushed the man's wife to the ground, the report said. A woman at the bar walked over to see what was going on, the report said, and Cole allegedly slapped her. A female bartender then tried to separate those fighting and Cole punched her in the head while trying to hit the man from the table beside his, the report said. Then, the brothers went outside and continued to fight.

Both brothers left before deputies arrived, the report said. The case remains under investigation. Cole was released from the Charlotte County Jail after posting bond.

Punch this man in the face

2008-01-23T11:23:00.000-05:00

From The Daily Times in Delaware:

Delaware State Police say this 30-year-old man robbed two women at gunpoint, opting to punch one of them, who is 61, in the face.

A man who punches a woman more than twice his age in the face is certainly deserving of a broken jaw, so if you see this man, please, punch him in the face.

Meat cleaver no match for punch to face

2008-01-23T02:15:00.000-05:00

DOUBLE-PUNCH BONUS ALERT

From AM900 CHML, the News Talk Leader of Hamilton, Ontario:

A would-be bank robber carrying a meat cleaver decided he'd serve the security guard a knuckle sandwich. But the would-be victim turned into a hometown hero when he returned the favor in-kind.

A man went into the TD Canada Trust at 194 James South and punched a security guard in the face. The 29-year-old man responded by punching the suspect right back, causing him to drop his meat cleaver and take off.

Two faces punched in this one pain-filled incident has made it clear: Canadians hit back.

Whataburger brawl includes booze, punches, faces

2008-01-23T01:11:00.000-05:00

From the Lufkin Daily News in Lufkin, Texas:

A woman armed with a Corona bottle assaulted a random burger devourer at the Lufkin Whataburger restaurant Monday. The attacker was supported by a friend, who was allegedly armed with fists -- bad news for the fourth woman involved in this tale of squalor and despair:

Her friend attempted to defend her but was punched in the face by a female friend accompanying the woman with the beer...

The bottle-swinger and punch-thrower reportedly made a fast getaway from the crime scene together in a Chevy Tahoe. Though the Corona victim required medical attention, the punch receptacle apparently remained hunky-dory.

CiCi's Pizza: All the face you can punch

2008-01-22T23:56:00.000-05:00

From the Herald-Leader in Lexington, Kentucky:

A heavy-set pizza gourmand tried to rob an all-you-can-eat Italian establishment late Monday. The masked man insisted the dough-kneader pay up from Mr. CiCi's own personal safe. Things ended poorly for the defiant pizza man's cranial cavity.

Initially, the employee refused to give the man money and he was punched in the face.

The slugger made off with an undisclosed amount of loot and remains at large.