Praise the Lord, punch the face

From the Post-Standard in Syracuse, New York:

A geriatric throwdown ensued immediately following a church prayer session. Two men in their late 70s got into an argument about loans -- one man, 78, thought the church should loan him $2,000. Who borrows money from their church?

When the 77-year-old holy loan officer wouldn't comply, he got jacked.

Lyle said he left the church and was talking in the parking lot when Mike walked up and punched him once in the face. The punch caused Lyle's lip to swell, police said.

Who would Jesus punch?

Teen punches adult in face, experience said to be "upsetting"

From This is Lancashire in the U.K.:

What happens when you don't provide children some extracurricular activities or harmless recreational drugs to keep them occupied/sedated? They end up tearing up flower beds in an effort to make something beautiful ugly. A group of British teenagers did just that, and when a 64-year-old woman attempted to confront the little monsters about the incident, she got sucker-punched for her troubles.

One of the girls, aged around 16, reacted by punching the woman in the face. She was left with a cut under her eye and a swollen face and rushed home to call the police.

The real gem in this story is Sgt. Danny Brophy of the Bolton Police, who is also the lieutenant of stating the obvious in an unnecessarily long, boring fashion.

"This lady has been left extremely shaken by what has happened to her. It was a very upsetting experience. All she was trying to do was to stop these young people stealing flowers from the elderly residents in the area and she was assaulted. This is unacceptable behaviour and I would appeal to anyone in the community who knows who was responsible for this to contact us. These individuals do not deserve to be protected."

Bicyclist punched, bike assaulted

From the Redditch Advertiser in the UK:

No motivation has been provided for a random assault on a cyclist by a man who is obviously a badass, as evidenced by his brown leather jacket. The bike rider was approached on foot by the man in the leather jacket and rather than ride away, the biker stayed long enough to be punched in the head, twice. The attacker then engaged in an Incredible Hulk-style act of rage.

The victim, a 39-year-old man, was cycling along Easemore Road when he was approached by another man who was on foot. The offender punched him twice to the head and then picked up the victim's cycle and threw it at a car before walking off.

Man, that guy sounds like a total rebel. I bet he could tear a phonebook in half. He probably has sex -- with women.