Celebration, Fla.: Where face punching doesn't exist

From WKMG TV in Orlando:

In the early '90s, Disney founded the town of Celebration, Fla., hoping to create a utopian community where families could raise their children with no risk of robbery with a punch to the face. That dream recently came crashing down.

A woman was punched in the face and robbed in her normally quiet Celebration neighborhood.

Apparently the suits behind Celebration decided they'd try to keep the incident under wraps and unknown to residents. Little-known fact: It says in the Celebration city charter that a wallop to the dome is punishable by a permanent ban from riding "It's a Small World."

Some said they are angry warnings were not posted sooner.

"I would want people to know, whether in a mailbox, like to say, "Keep an eye out for this person and this is what happened," resident Valerie said.

Puncher provides drunken self-reflection

From the UK's Lincolnshire Echo:

Laura Stockbridge doesn't handle alcohol very well. The Lincolnshire teen was reportedly drunk when she confronted a woman she did not know, accusing her of being someone's ex-wife. Apparently it was a good enough reason for assault.

Drunken teenager Laura Stockbridge punched a woman in the face outside a city taxi rank after a night on the town, a court heard.

Interestingly, Stockbridge gave her night's inebriation a perfect score:

"After she was arrested, when asked by the officer how drunk she was on a scale of one to 10, she replied '10'," added Mr Wood.

The teen told officers she regrets the incident and was "wrecked" that night, having consumed alcohol from 6 p.m. until 2:50 a.m.

Charlotte Sun twofer!

From the same Police Beat on the same day - April 5. All the face you can punch. And a Tasing, bro!

Man reportedly assaults paramedic

A Rotonda West, Fla., man was allegedly intoxicated when he reportedly assaulted a Charlotte County paramedic. According to a Charlotte County Sheriff’s report, Paul Mains, 53, was on the floor of the garage of his home when a deputy arrived on the scene.

The deputy witnessed the paramedic help Mains to his feet, after which the man punched the paramedic in the face without warning, the report shows.

The deputy attempted to pull Mains away from the paramedic before using a Taser, which struck Mains in the middle of his back. Mains was restrained and placed in the rear seat of the deputy’s car. While there, he reportedly began crying and told the deputy he was sorry for what he did. Soon after, he told the deputy he had difficulty breathing and was transported to Englewood Community Hospital. After he was seen by an emergency room doctor and medically cleared, Mains was released into CCSO custody. When he was taken to the jail, Mains reportedly told the deputy he would find out where he lived and that the deputy would “pay” for what he did. Mains was booked at the Charlotte County Jail and charged with simple battery on an EMT and resisting an officer without violence. He was held without bond.

Report: Denied beer leads to battery

A Port Charlotte, Fla., man reportedly assaulted his roommate, breaking his ankle and punching him in the face, after the victim would not give the man a beer. According to a Charlotte County Sheriff’s report, Barry Robert Rochleau, 19, was refused a beer by his roommate because Rochleau is not of legal drinking age.

The denial reportedly upset Rochleau, who then, according to the victim, pushed the roommate to the ground and began punching him in the head. He then stomped on the victim’s right ankle.

The roommate told deputies that when he attempted to call 911, Rochleau prevented him from doing so. The victim also told deputies that Rochleau spent 30 minutes telling his roommate what story they would tell authorities to explain his injures. After about 30 minutes, the victim said he was allowed to call 911. Rochleau reportedly told deputies on the scene that his roommate had consumed several beers and tripped on something in the house. The CCSO report states there was no evidence to support Rochleau’s claims, and the victim was transported to Fawcett Memorial Hospital where he was treated for a broken ankle and “several bumps to the head consistent with punches.” Rochleau was taken to the Charlotte County Jail and charged with kidnapping, obstructing justice and battery. He was held without bond.

His dogs are barking

From the Skelmersdale Advertiser in England:

A 25-year-old man walking his dog at 3 a.m. took one in the kisser.

An argument started over his dog barking and the man was punched once in the face. He suffered a broken nose.

If your dog won't rabidly defend you in an attack, you need a new one.

Ceramic pot, bar patron attack blood-spitting baseball pitcher

From The Canadian Press:

Al Reyes, a drunk pitcher for the Tampa Bay Rays, got into a scuffle at a bar with a ceramic pot. The 38-year-old then picked a fight with a man he thought shoved him into the pot. Turns out, the bar patron he went after was just as tough as that ceramic pot that took him down in the first place.

Witnesses told officers that Reyes, who turned 38 on Thursday, appeared to be intoxicated when he exchanged words with Mora, who allegedly punched the six-foot-one, 240-pound pitcher in the face at the Hyde Park Cafe around 2:30 a.m.

After the brawl police showed up, prompting the pitcher, with a cut nose, to spit blood on them. They Tased him, bro.

Val Kilmer assaulted live on radio show

From the Pittsburgh Tribune Review:

Oh wait, it's not THAT Iceman from Top Gun? OK, anyhow, a guy who goes by the name of Iceman (he actually sells ice) was live on the radio, via telephone, talking smack about the local fire department when someone, driving either a city vehicle or an ambulance, took offense. The driver pulled into the parking lot of North Pole Ice in Uniontown, assaulting the owner, Brian "Iceman" Oros, live on the afternoon radio show "Let's Talk."

"He hits me in the left side of the face," said Oros, who yesterday had a barely detectable bruise and bump on one side of his face. "I hit him back."

The lesson? Don't mess with the fire department.