That was totally worth it

From the Charlotte Sun in Florida:
Feb. 14, 2008

Those musta been some fly-ass jeans he was after in that laundry.

Burglary caught on tape

A man was arrested Tuesday after he allegedly took a laundry basket of clothes from his grandmother’s apartment. The incident was documented on a security video.

Deangelo Lamont Carter, 23, of Bradenton, allegedly climbed through a window and took the clothes, valued at $300, from the apartment at 21150 Gertrude Ave., Port Charlotte. The apartment resident recognized her grandson on the security video, a Charlotte County Sheriff’s report said, and she asked the apartment manager to get the clothes back. When he confronted Carter, the report said, Carter punched him in the face.

Carter — whose grandmother said he had asked her to store his clothes for him — was charged with burglary, petty theft and battery. He was held at the Charlotte County Jail without bond.

The grandmother got the clothes back.

Glenn Danzig punched in the face

Here's a classic for you. In the words of Sugar Ray, "Danzig needs a hug."

First-grade teacher an expert in colors, numbers, punches

From the Tyler Morning Telegraph in Texas:

While at a children's basketball game, a first-grade teacher decided she'd do her best impression of Ron Artest by starting a brawl. In a double-whammy of bad luck for the victim, she was trying to leave the "Little Dribbler" basketball tournament because of a kidney stone attack when the puncher, 32-year-old Barbara Jeanette Hughes, cracked her in the left eye.

(Goode) stated that Mrs. Hughes pushed her and said 'Let's take it outside.' Mrs. Goode stated that she put her hands up to keep Hughes out of her face and Mrs. Hughes punched her in the left eye with her fist. She stated that Mrs. Hughes proceeded to hit, scratch and pull her hair.

The puncher's husband was apparently the Reggie Miller of this altercation, attempting to separate the two women. A concession worker heard children scream "Mommy!" during the fisticuffs, making this incident all the more classy.

New meaning to "slobber-knocker"

From the always entertaining New York Post:

A $2 million lawsuit alleges that a New York City EMT punched a restrained patient in the face after the man drooled on him. The puncher was apparently trying to put an oxygen mask on the man when he got some spit on him, which inspired the first-response to his face -- again, for effect, of a restrained man. Here's the story, told as only the Post can:

An FDNY emergency medical technician turned the Hippocratic Oath on its ear, slugging a restrained patient in the face during a ride to Kings County Hospital, a $2 million suit alleges.

Dennis Mathis, 25, was strapped onto a stretcher last Dec. 1 when he incurred the wrath of an EMT by drooling on him, according to the suit.

The "Drool-Fool EMT," as the Post calls him, apparently broke the patient's jaw.

Hold the baby, punch the face

From the AZ Family in Arizona:

Here's a real winner who got into a drunken fight and attacked his father, mother and girlfriend with one hand, all while holding his baby in the other.

When Delia tried to get her baby from Michael because of concerns for the baby’s safety, he punched her in the head and face, and then pushed her away.

If God gave you two arms, may as well use both of 'em, right? Actually, let's remove one of this guy's arms as punishment for being a complete waste of life.

The left hand: It feels like another person

From the BBC:

Disclaimer: No one gets punched in the face in this one. But it is worth noting that left-handers are better fighters, likely because in fights people rarely expect a left hook. Wow, people spend time doing research on fighting? That's a job I need to sign up for.

They said that Western interactive sports such as these can be classed as "special cases of fights - with strict rules, including the "prohibition of killing and intentionally wounding the opponent".

This led them to speculate the same advantage may persist in more aggressive contexts, such as war, so societies which are more violent would have a higher frequency of left-handers.

For the record, Hitler was left-handed.

The article also notes that left-handed people are more likely to have certain diseases. Righties win again!

Now that's love

From WGAL TV In Pennsylvania:

Morris Friend Jr. really loves his mom -- enough to punch a cop in the face for her. His 55-year-old mother was being arrested on a warrant charge in York County, Penn., when he stepped in.

Police said Friend's son, Morris Friend Jr., 36, stepped in and punched an officer in the face. The second officer has minor injuries from struggling with the pair.

With a last name like "Friend," you kind of have to be a dickhead. No word on whether Friend is a big fan of Glenn Danzig's "Mother."

Would you like a fist with that?

From The Day newspaper in New London, Connecticut:

A lunchtime traffic jam at a Connecticut McDonalds occurred when a patron, waiting for her food, decided to block the drive-thru with her vehicle. Funny because McDonald's is usually associated with blockage of the arterial kind.

A man who was stuck behind him didn't take too kindly to that and confronted the passenger of the blocking car, who in turn responded with his fist.

The passenger, Donald Lapre, 59, of 20 Knickerbocker Ave., Bozrah, was arrested after police said he punched the driver of the blocked car a couple times in the face, causing a minor injury.

The man left the scene, but was arrested before he could finish that all-important lunch.

Doctor, doctor: I've got a bad case of punching you

From Great Britain's Scarborough Evening News:

A UK man decided he'd kick off the new year with a botched suicide attempt. The stunt left him in the hospital, where he apparently decided if he couldn't inflict pain on himself, he'd share it with someone else -- a doctor.

Wilson punched Dr Toukalis in the face as he walked by at about 2.30pm on January 3, causing him to collapse.

Police say it was an unexpected discharge that led to the incident.

If you have health problems, avoid 'horseplay'

From the Lewanee Connection in Lewanee County, Michigan:

Put together booze, minors and some good old-fashioned rasslin', and it's inevitable someone's gonna get hurt. For some reason, the Lewanee Connection goes into great detail on every aspect of this party. Must be a small town.

We'll take some liberties on this story, as disaster usually befalls the weird kid, and no one is sure who invited him or how he got there, but he ends up crying after someone steals his inhaler.

According to the report, the boys congregated at the house to party, and after consuming a quantity of alcohol, began wrestling. The horseplay escalated, and one boy punched another in the face and head.

Apparently this classic whuppin' left the punchee with breathing problems, so police called his mommy, who advised he's had health problems recently. The wussy was airlifted to a hospital and released soon after. Come Monday, he'll be met with nothing but shame in the lunch line.

Persistent puncher has demands met

From the Wimbledon Guardian in England:

This Brit tried to return a broken clock, but took exception when a worker wouldn't refund his 3 pounds without a receipt. The puncher then delivered a pound of his own, right to the shopkeep's face, in what the Guardian called a "rage attack."

He thumped his fists on the till before knocking Mrs Oliver to the floor in the dispute on January 18. He left only when a shopper handed him three pound coins.

So this guy basically knocked out a woman, then mulled around in the shop until someone decided they'd pay up the money he felt he was owed. That's a way of doing business, I suppose.

Pissing, punching ensues in bathroom

From the Oxford Mail in Oxfordshire, England:

What's the world coming to? A man can't even take a leak without getting sucker-punched. A "drinker," as the Oxford Mail calls him, had a fist meet his face in the bathroom -- or "the toilets," as they're apparently known -- of a local pub. Those funny-speaking Brits.

Another man came in and punched him in the face leaving the victim with a fractured eye socket, a fractured cheekbone and bruising.

No clue as to what, if anything, provoked such violence. But here's a theory: Maybe the punchee is pee-shy and JUST. CAN'T. GO. if there's a line waiting on him. Maybe he was holding up the whole freaking bar. Maybe the puncher got tired of waiting for this guy's anxious, clamped-up bladder and made his way to the front of the line and jacked him in the face. Not that I've ever wanted to do that.

I'd buy that for a dollar!

From the Bradenton Herald in Bradenton, Florida:

If you're a robber and you're going for the big bucks, Dollar General is probably not your best bet. An unidentified man in his 30s entered the budget store and went up to the counter to pay for a bag of chips. He even gave her a dollar before introducing her to his fist.

When the cashier opened the register, the man punched her in the face and grabbed the money, the sheriff's report said. The man then ran from the store.

Dollar General's new slogan: All that, a bag of chips and robbery with assault.

Actor you've never heard of gets clock cleaned

From People Magazine:

Apparently Jesse Metcalfe is an actor on Desperate Housewives and he starred in a film called "John Tucker Must Die." Based on what you'll find with a quick Google search, he also likes to appear in photographs with his shirt off. I don't know much about this guy, but I enjoy being quick to judge, so I'm guessing he's a smug prick.

Mr. Hunky McDreamboat was hitting on some other guy's girlfriend at a night club in L.A. when things turned sour.

The situation quickly escalated, with the man punching Metcalfe in the face, knocking him to the ground.

TMZ.com, of course, has a video of the incident, while People has a photo of him somehow managing to show his rock-hard abs even while being choked out.

Punchee: I had it comin'

From the Associated Press:
Feb. 7, 2008


Prisoner punches attorney after judge denies request for new lawyer

GEORGETOWN, Ky. — A public defender who was punched in court by a disgruntled client said Thursday he doesn’t blame the man who gave him with two black eyes.

The disorder in the court, captured on video, happened Monday at Scott County Circuit Court after the judge refused defendant Peter Hafer’s request for a new attorney.

Hafer, 30, of Cynthiana, told the judge he didn’t trust his court-appointed lawyer, Doug Crickmer. As Crickmer began to tell Judge Rob Johnson that Hafer couldn’t choose his public defender, Hafer landed the first punch.

“I just couldn’t take it anymore and I just snapped,” Hafer said later at the Scott County jail.

Hafer hit the attorney several times in the face and stomach. Hafer was restrained on the ground. Crickmer was admitted to Georgetown Community Hospital and released later that day. He said he will not file assault charges.

“I certainly don’t fault him or blame him or wish him any ill will,” Crickmer said Thursday on NBC’s “Today” show. “I think Mr. Hafer was just frustrated. Like I said, he had been in jail for some time. ... I think he just got frustrated, fed up, and he just snapped and I was the nearest target.”

Hafer was arrested in August on charges of burglarizing a Kmart store in June.

As for his request for a new attorney, Hafer apparently will get his way. Authorities said a new one will be appointed.